We all have an inner critic that is hard on us, and sometimes these negative thoughts come out and affect the quality of our relationships.
Insecurity comes from within, and even if your relationship is perfectly healthy in other ways, insecure thoughts can cause jealousy, negative emotions, fear of intimacy, and other damaging feelings.
Learning how to stop being insecure in a relationship is sure to improve your quality of life, as well as the quality of the relationship.
How To Stop Being Insecure In A Relationship:
1) Voice Therapy:
This is a good starting point for addressing your insecurity issues. Keep an internal monologue journal and write in it every night, discussing your thoughts about yourself.
Feel free to write negatively when you’re feeling negative, but be aware of your internal voice and how it affects the way you feel when you read what you’ve written.
Rather than writing in first person, write in second person. Thinking “You are worthless” seems harsher than thinking “I am worthless” because you realize that you would never talk to another person so negatively, so it helps you realize that you don’t deserve those negative thoughts, either.
2) Release Your Baggage:
Everyone has emotional baggage, whether it’s from childhood experiences or past relationships. Understand that your baggage is your own, and that your significant other has no control over it.
When you recognize your baggage for what it is, it’s easier to realize that you are worth more than your issues.
3) Don’t Focus on Right or Wrong:
It’s easy to get caught up in who’s “winning” an argument, but it’s important to realize that conversations aren’t always black and white.
Maybe you felt insecure when your boyfriend commented on how comfy you looked in your yoga pants, because you felt like comfy meant lazy or otherwise bad. Take him at his word and not more.
4) Ignore Your Paranoia:
Everyone has friends of the opposite sex, or coworkers of the opposite sex. It’s unavoidable. Just because your boyfriend answers work calls from a coworker who happens to be a girl doesn’t mean they’re talking about anything other than work. Have trust in your relationship and know that he’s with you for a reason.
When you have an issue or a concern, the worst thing you could possibly do is clam up and avoid telling him what’s wrong. No matter how painful or awkward it is, you need to start those conversations.
Stewing over your worries turns them into negative emotional baggage and breeds insecurity.
6) Depend on Yourself:
A great deal of relationship insecurity is based on general insecurity and self-esteem issues, which can be a result of being too dependent on your significant other.
Learn how to be happy with yourself, whether that means picking up a new yoga class or spending more time on self-care, Netflix and wine nights.
7) Don’t Compare:
Let your relationship stand alone for what it is. Comparing your relationship to relationships you see on social media is inaccurate because people only present their best sides online. Every relationship has its challenges.
Likewise, don’t compare yourself with your significant other’s exes. You are your own unique person, and bringing competition into a relationship where none existed just hurts both of you.
8) Address Your Self-Esteem:
Poor self esteem causes relationship issues because you think you aren’t good enough, or that your partner deserves better. Address your self-esteem issues at the root.
Sometimes this takes attending therapy, while other times it just requires being introspective and dealing with the problems that cause your self-esteem to plummet.
9) Know Your Worth:
You can probably think of a million reasons why you’re dating your significant other, and why you enjoy being around them. Know that there are a million reasons why your significant other is dating you, too.
Recognize all of the positive attributes that you bring to the table, whether it’s your love of cooking, your thirst for adventure, or your nurturing nature.
10) Be Your Best Self:
Sometimes, addressing your insecurity takes making changes in your life. The better you present yourself to the world, the more you’re contributing in your relationship.
Take positive steps, and it’s fine if they’re baby steps. Start by taking better care of yourself: that means sleeping and eating enough, exercising, and engaging in self-care regularly.
You can also present your best self by doing things that make you happy, like picking up a new hobby. You’ll feel better about yourself, which helps minimize insecurity in your relationship.
These simple tips help elevate your self-esteem and nip insecurity in the butt before it damages your relationship. Learn how to change your life and be happy, and the quality of your relationship will improve, too.