how to deal with controlling people

Learn How To Deal With Controlling People In Your Life

How To Deal With Controlling People

Today we will be learning about 10 ways on how to deal with controlling people. Have you ever been in a situation where someone tells you, “No! Stop doing that.” Or simply, “Don’t do that.” The worst part comes when you ask them why not, then you get that decisively awkward answer, “That’s not how it is done.” Or “I don’t want you to.”

Dealing with a controlling person is not easy. It requires you to have people skills as handling them can be point-blank stressful. Controllers are everywhere. Sometimes, it can be your lover, your best friend or your family members and so forth. Here are 10 ways on how to deal with controlling people.

How To Deal With Controlling People:

1). Firmly Say “Yes,” And “No”:

Establishing firm personal boundaries is the first foundation for dealing with controlling people. You can do this by using firm and strong words, that although may sound impolite to a controller, is the best way to deal with them.

Being honest and direct in your communication with a controlling person gives you the mesmerizing power to create and yield the results you want confidently. Rather than bailing out subtly, practice saying a firm “no” when you do not desire doing something and a firm “yes” when you desire to do something that others refute you to do.

2). Do Not Succumb to Pressure:

When a controlling individual realizes that he or she cannot pressure you with their words, then they resort to using pressuring behavior. The logic in this is simply simple, that is, when you fail to abide by their rules, then without a shadow of the doubt, they begin behaving negatively.

It is no surprise if the person stops doing their chores, helping you out and speaking to you among other things in a bid to get you to abide by their rules. If you end up falling into this pressure, then you lose the battle to break their chains of control over your life. The best way to deal with such behaviors is either withdraw a positive behavior too or optionally, do not react.

3). Stop Seeking Approval:

Although we all desire to be loved, we do not truly need one specific individual to approve our actions among other things. Remember, no one is irreplaceable. When you realize this, and you let it sink, then you will not feel obligated to be approved of by anybody. You will piss off any controlling individual in your life without feeling weighed down or bad about doing so. This will make them lose their primary grip over your life.

4). Learn To Define Yourself:

Most of the time that an abuse victim falls under the spell of a controller is when he or she has their self-esteem pummeled under the ground to the point that they end up doubting themselves and believing their abusers more than they do themselves. Learn to define yourself because no one can define you.

With self-understanding, you can overcome the controlling gravity that your husband, boyfriend, wife, girlfriend, manager, mother, father or employee has on you.

5). Create Psychic Boundaries:

To deal with a controller, use the one-minded warning sign. Through the creation and recognition of a psychic boundary, you can easily tell when someone trespasses this boundary. Once you detect a trespasser, someone who tries defining you, firstly acknowledge the controlling behavior and reinforce it before the controller tries controlling you.

How To Deal With Controlling People

6). Don’t Keep Silent:

Controllers have power over their victims because their victims shy off from speaking up, as they fear to shatter the idealized image of the relationship they have with the controller. Although you might be a victim of an individual’s hurtful behaviors, you are solely responsible for your responses to such behaviors.

But, also depending on the level of control that he or she exercises on you, it is better to choose your words wisely. Some controllers are evil and do not take speaking up kindly and may end up physically hurting you.

Setting some distance between you and such a person when speaking up is necessary. You can do so over your parents’ house or your friend’s house. And if he or she begins threatening you, it is better to involve the police to ensure your safety.

7). Use The Questioning Technique:

Questioning the demands and the directives of the controller weakens their stronghold over you. Instead of addressing issues through creating arguments with your controller, it is better to question things they say to you authoritatively. Most people tend to respond to controllers through contradicting their statements.

For instance, a victim may say, “But, I do love chicken!” “That’s crazy, I try extremely hard” and “You don’t know anything about my feelings!” among many more contradictions. Rather than arguing, simply ask, “What?” Do this using different variation and to every point the controller strikers across, until he or she simply gives up. This will frustrate them to the point they decide to let you do as you please.

8). Maintain Your Composure, Keep Your Cool:

One major characteristic of controlling, intimidating and aggressive people is that they will deliberately upset you through continually pushing your buttons, keeping and throwing your balance off and pulling your strings. Through this, they create leverage over you, which allows them to exploit your weaknesses.

Facing such people requires you to maintain your cool since the less reactive you become to such provocations, the better judgment you have of handling the challenges they through your way. This gives you an advantage.

9). Become Less Reactive and More Proactive:

Learn how not to take things personally. Immune you from the actions and the options of others and you will not be a victim of unnecessary sufferings. Becoming mindful about the very nature of aggressive, controlling and intimidating individuals can help you depersonalize whatever situation you are in and turn proactive rather than reactive.

For instance, say something like, “It must not be easy placing high expectations or holding high idealized realities….” Empathy does not excuse unwarranted negative behavior. Empathy helps reduce personalization and helps you concentrate your energy in solving the problem at hand.

10). Learn People Skills:

Finally, learning people skills will help you learn to distinguish persuasion from pressure. Learn to distinguish when an individual presents logical arguments and presents facts in support of something, and ultimately allows you the freedom to make your choice.

Learn to know when someone is using manipulation, exaggeration, lies and drama in a bid to refute you your freedom of choice. When someone acts dramatically and says, “If I mean anything to you and if you care about me as you make me believe…” this is a manipulative approach. Learn how to handle such sentiments.


Ultimately, if you cannot deal or break the controlling cycle of the individual, it is good to have open options that will help you feel un-trapped. Recognize signs of a controller, learn people skills to influence the methods you used to overcome their control, understand the difference between persuasion and pressure. Do not let anyone pressure you to do or become something or someone you are not. Remember, you have the power to break such oppressive shackles.

How have you worked with controlling people and handled them to a point where it works for you? Was it hard, easy, or annoying? Leave your comments below.


  • Tammy

    Controlling people are SO draining! I used to be a doormat and do what anyone asked me to do. I finally got a backbone as I got older and learned how to say NO. It was so freeing. Great article!

  • Curtis

    I actually have a good friend that is controlling at times and can be hard to deal with at times as well. I’m glad I found this article as it has good advice that I can use when needed. Thanks, Curtis

    • A.J.

      Hi Curtis

      I have had friends like that as well. Its funny when they realize they cant control you. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great week.


    • A.J.

      Hi Curtis

      Yes I too have some friends that are controlling, but these tips have helped me out a lot. Hope you have a great one 🙂



  • Matts Mom

    All of these things I need to work on. I am definitely too nice and a push over. I think the first thing I need to work on is people skills, dealing with others. I like the questioning technique! Great information.

  • Josie

    I’m glad I came across this article, it has been very helpful. I have had to deal with controlling people in my life a lot.
    Many people have this type of behavior and don’t even know it. Before I started improving my own reactions and thoughts, I would get very angry or upset when people were like this towards me.
    Now I know that its best to be unbothered by what other people say, and improving yourself is the best way to deal with others since we cannot change them.

    • A.J.

      Hi Josie

      Glad you were able to find this article helpful. It’s such a life changer when we learn to be more aware of our own circumstances and to fix them. Hope you have a great week ahead.



  • Kenny Lee

    At point number 8, you mentioned about keeping cool. Dealing with overtly controlling people can be very frustrating. Sometimes, we may lose our temper before realizing it. I must admit I don’t have the time for these people and would often get into a heated argument. Do you have any tips to keep our temper in check?

    • A.J.

      Hi Kenny

      Great question, what I highly recommend is to learn to to react, but to respond. I have a coin, on one side it says respond, and on the other it says react, and it feels super ruff. Holding that everyday and looking at it, has subconsciously reprogrammed me to be more conscious of reacting and responded. It has helped me greatly.

       If you want that coin, check out bob proctors website in the products section. Life changer for sure. Thanks for stopping by, and hope you have a great week.




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